spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
