My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i now understand why vodka
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
