the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
