I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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