I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
