i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
