dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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