Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I understand Curling. That high.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
