Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
