oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
