Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
