Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
