so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize