i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
