So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
