i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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