how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
