Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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