Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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