Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he fucked my hip out of place.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize