worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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