I'm gonna have a badass scar
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
