To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
