Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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