im six kinds of drunk right now
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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