My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
