He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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