Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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