I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
