you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
