why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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