this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
