Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
it glows. i had to have it.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You need Xanax blowdarts
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
