I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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