I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
