Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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