Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
