Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you will always have a special place in my vag
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
