Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
