I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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