I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Damn victory sex feels great
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
