walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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