last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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