I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
