im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
