It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
