Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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