i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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