Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
