??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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