apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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