Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
