He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
