Don't you send me to vm
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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