I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
