u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
