Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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