Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
