the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
