u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize