New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
