the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
