After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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