my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
