brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
