Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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