a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
