I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
