you would pick up someone in the library
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
