What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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