Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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