I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Houston, we have a blender
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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