I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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