operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
