I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
